Happy

Happy that we had fixed the problem.
Happy that we had forgiven.
Happy that we had finally moved on.

Blue And Yellow

And it's all in how you mix the two,
And it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole,
Through everyone that feels it.


Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it,
Won't come your way,yeah
Well you'll never find it,
If you're looking for it. (looking for it)


Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you.


And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again,
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole, through everyone that feels it.


Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it, won't come your way, yeah
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it. (looking for it)


Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.


Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste some time with you.


Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste my time with you.


Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste my time with you.


Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

My Dearest Eponine

Always the 2nd best, never the first.
What a sorrowful life you have.
It's like you walk everyday wet under the rain.
You envy the kids playing, bathing themselves because you are soaked.

"When will the rain ever feel good on me?" you asked yourself.
Everyday is a gloomy day. The rain makes if more melancholic.
You go home, changed your clothes, then you looked outside your window.
You wanted to go out and soak yourself again 'til you get sick.

You realized, you find comfort in the rain.

The Little Prince and His Flower

"Goodbye," he said to the flower.
But she made no answer.
"Goodbye," he said again.
The flower coughed. But it was not because she had a cold.
"I have been silly," she said to him, at last. "I ask your forgiveness. Try to be
happy..."
He was surprised by this absence of reproaches. He stood there all bewildered, the
glass globe held arrested in mid−air. He did not understand this quiet sweetness.
"Of course I love you," the flower said to him. "It is my fault that you have not
known it all the while. That is of no importance. But you−− you have been just as
foolish as I. Try to be happy... let the glass globe be. I don't want it any more."


"But the wind−−"
"My cold is not so bad as all that... the cool night air will do me good. I am a
flower."


"But the animals−−"
"Well, I must endure the presence of two or three caterpillars if I wish to become
acquainted with the butterflies. It seems that they are very beautiful. And if not the
butterflies−− and the caterpillars−− who will call upon me? You will be far
away... as for the large animals−− I am not at all afraid of any of them. I have my
claws."
And, naïvely, she showed her four thorns. Then she added:
"Don't linger like this. You have decided to go away. Now go!"
For she did not want him to see her crying. She was such a proud flower...


-The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint-Exupery

I didn't realize how deep this story can be. When I was little, I literally understood it just like every story I read. Therefore when I was little, I think like grown ups, and now that I'm a grown up, I think like a child, which isn't so bad at all. Kids are genius. Everything is so simple to them.

There She Was

There she was standing outside the restaurant. I didn't have a doubt.
I knew it was her. The woman who wrote those letters.
The woman on those pictures.
The one who owns the rubbish you kept until now.
She was young then and so were you.
Life was kind then until one day when evil corrupted her innocence.
The day neither of you will ever forget.

I saw her standing outside. I wasn't sure if she could see me.
This woman, still beautiful and full of optimism in life. I envy her.
'Is she coming in?' I wondered.
Wait, she's staring at me. She was about to reach the door but she stopped, she's not going in.
Now I knew she saw me from where I was.

She changed her mind, she decided to go somewhere else.
She gave me a last glance, one I will never forget.
Then she was gone.

There she was. The love of your life.

I Envy

I envy this girl who hurt your feelings and distracts you from me.
I envy the pain she gave you.
I envy her because she made you feel.

I never made you feel.
To me you were like a rock.
A paper weight could have been more useful.

Can you feel this what I am feeling now? No you can't.
It's like cancer. Every breath I take hurts.

Bird with Clipped Wings

Somewhere Out There...

somebody else is living my life for me. I've always felt like my life's been stolen from me. This is not how I was made of. I'm supposed to be made of a star's particle.
Somewhere out there, someone has the talent that I've always wanted. The talent to draw so I can sketch on a paper how funny people look to me.

I envy a lot.
I hurt a lot.
I care too much.

I Judge People by Their Taste In Music and Movies

I think there's just no better way to do so.

Aggression

"You're so loud in your blog, diyos mio." my friend told me. She's referring to my public blog which my friends and my husbands bitches knew and had been secretly following. I have been releasing my aggression there lately. I've been trying to keep it sweet, turn it to a mommy blog for a change but I always swift to the right. Maybe I want people to know how I feel at that moment when I carelessly post them. But now I have learned that it's better to post all those bitter words here, where no ignorant mind can judge how I feel about the shallow minded "normal" people. They just can't handle how I feel.

Good Bye

You walked out my door 6 minutes ago. I am not sure if we will be together again. Whatever happens, I hope it is for the Best. I've seen you packed your things so many times. Each time you did, I called you back and we were together again. But today is different. Our son was watching you while you packed. I wonder if he will remember it as the last time we've been together. I hope he'll understand some day. He just told me while I type this post that he misses you now.

I wish you'll find whatever you are looking for. I wish you'll be finally happy. I wish for you freedom.

And as for me. I wish I'll grow wiser and better. I wish I could take it. I wish I could save myself. I love you always.

If I Were A Monster

By MayAnn Licudine

Bride

I just want to be your beautiful bride

All I Ever Want

All I ever want in this life is just to love and be loved back in return.
To be truly madly deeply loved
To be someone else's dream come true.
To be needed as much as I need you.
To have more laughs than tears.
To be the Sun in your sky.
To be your source of  strength.
To be your inspiration.
To be your best friend.

Above all, to be your great love.

Life and Its Matter

Life and All Its Matter


Some say life is sweet. Kurt Cobain said "life fucks us all". But I believe life is how you choose to live it.
How I'm living my life is a challenge. I don't know about yours but I hope everything is okay with you. There's a saying that, " Life is 10% what happens to you, and 90% on how you respond to it". No matter how much I hate to believe in this cliche (because I love to blame other things on my faults), I still do believe in it because it is true.

I understand a little now why my daddy is such a miserable man. It used to be such a big wonder to me, but now I realized than unhappy childhood makes unhappy old man. My dad didn't enjoy much his younger years (now he's 84) because he was a workaholic. Right now he takes toys from my little boys, he easily gets jealous over anything or anyone my mom talks to or loves. He despised me the day I was born and he always reminds me that, because he believes that ever since I came out from my mother's vagina, all the love my foster mom had for him was given all to me. He doesn't have Alzheimer's and he's perfectly healthy for his age. That's just the way he is.

I was adopted since birth and found out about it at 8 years old. I was too young but too smart (I guess) to understand when my mommy explained it to me. She told me it was an act of love because my real mama who recently passed away couldn't afford to raise me. I didn't take drugs in highschool or fucked too many boys because my life is too miserable. But since then they have labeled me as "Misunderstood" and I stopped impressing people who will never be. I always felt different, not much in a good way.

The happiest moments in my life were not photographed. On my 18th birthday, I had a secret debut party because my mommy didn't want my foster family to know that she's spending money on me. So I spent it with my close friends who all forgot to bring a camera. I didn't have a camera then up to now.

I married a man who will always be in love with someone else, and I have accepted that wholeheartedly after 3 years of pain and misery. I married him early because I got pregnant at the age of 19. I didn't wear a white dress, I didn't marry in the church. Whenever I ask my husband about it, he just doesn't think that it's practical to remarry in the church. I guess I'll never wear that beautiful white dress, I will never walk that long aisle unless I marry someone else.  I am not  complaining, just sad on the thought about it. He cheated on me 6 times and still we are together because I choose to keep him and forgive for the last time. That's life you see. It's really how you respond.

My biological mom just passed away last week and I have never even met her in person. We started chatting July 2010 and I thought she would stay longer but she was not able to. God bless her soul. At least I am happy that I found my 2 siblings with her. They live different lives, and I live my own life. Life must go on, mustn't it?

Birth

Every story has a beginning and eventually will end.

Anyone who sees and paints a sky green and fields blue ought to be sterilized. - Adolf Hitler

This is my outlet where I can post everything I have in mind.
Where I can write and nobody judges me.
Where I can shout out what I can't in my Facebook and Twitter.
My solitude.